Feminism 101: Helpful Hints for Feminists Who Refer To Men as Dudes
A response to “Feminism 101: Helpful Hints for Dudes“
Dear feminists,
If you want men (and women for that matter) to stop thinking that “feminism” is a dirty word or punchline, stop acting like you’re powerless against “privilege” or inferior to anyone. You have the power to grant privileges and you have the power to take them away, so quit acting like you are helpless against the system. If you truly believe in the possibility of equality or the power of your expressed gender, then you’ll also realize that you have the power to fight back and say no. Acting like a stereotype doesn’t help the cause either.
Masculinity is not aspirational, it’s an expression of gender or a stereotypical perception by people with opinions. If you want to aspire towards masculinity (whatever the hell that really means) along with the rest of the culture, that’s your prerogative. If you don’t, that’s also your prerogative. When you don’t like the language, you can coin neologisms. Some folks may resist your efforts, but ultimately your principles are more important than the opinions of others.
People can impose their will on you all they want, but you are under no obligation to do accept it. In fact, that’s why people go to wars or, get into fights sometimes. Conflict is ugly, but it’s sometimes necessary. Women need to get their minds away from thinking that conflict is somehow “unladylike” or “against feminism.” Case in point: watch almost any female mammal or avian animal protect its offspring. Passivity is a learned behavior that can and should be corrected. Men are just as capable of passivity as women.
Every individual is an individual. Compartmentalizing people into “man” and “woman” or spurious categories like race for the sake of advancing an ideology, rather than practical matters of physiology, is no different than compartmentalizing people for the sake of “cultural dominance/privilege.” (Yup, I went there.)
Finally, just as “babe” and “chick” are semi-derogatory terms that potentially minimize women, so are “dude” and “boy.” While these terms are fun for casual use, they aren’t always appropriate. When you try to explain feminist ideology to a man, address him with the same respect that you’d expect to be treated with as a woman. Don’t minimize him. Don’t grant him privileges or power that you don’t want him to have. Treat him as your equal and honor what feminism is supposed to be all about — a path towards egalitarianism.
Thanks,
Vas
P.S. I’ll play devils advocate if I damn well want to. The dark side of free speech is being exposed to opinions that make us uncomfortable. But, the paradox is that opinions which leave us unsettled force us to think outside of our comfort zone and thereby make us better thinkers.
Well said! I took a class on feminism in college but dropped out when it got all sexist. I was disgusted because the first couple lectures were all about respecting each other, and equality for all, appreciating differences, those kinds of thing… and then it became about the evil white man. Unfortunately, I’m a privileged white woman, so my opinions are invalid as they all state my privilege. Anyways, great piece and well said!
Thank you for your feedback. I have had similar experiences in academia, except it was regarding race. I had a similar bad taste in my mouth. I will be certain to write about it one of these days.
feminism only exists in today’s form in order to provide tenured carreers (or sell books) for embittered semi-intelligent women who otherwise would have to find honest work in the marketplace.
a punchline? no. its the whole joke.
That’s a pretty depressing way to look at it, Gino.
depressing only if your outlook on life, your raison d’etre, is feminism. the big battles have been won.
there is nothing preventing a woman from going anywhere or doing anything that her own personal limitations dont prevent. its become like the civil rights movement, but worse, because it takes inborn physiological differences tween the sexes and pretends they do not exist.
such a view is fantasy at best. and potentially very destructive to many individual women (remember Law Fairy? how well do you think she was coping in the world?)
that is why when somebody approaches me as a ‘feminist’, i roll my eyes, or mock them. approach me as who you are and i dont care if you possess a vagina or not, (unless yer good looking or if i hope to use it. thats just the way women approach men, isnt it… just substitute money for vagina.)
I am an egalitarian, quite frankly, so it’s not the propping of feminism that makes me depressed. That whole mentality you described depresses me because in spite of the progress women have made, there are academics and so-called authorities filling young women with this kind of neo-Puritanical garbage. Many otherwise intelligent women are being made to feel like they are unworthy of success or disgusted by their natural biology by self-serving educators and dubious scholars, and for what? To advance an outdated permutation of feminism that didn’t even exist until the late seventies for money? That’s pretty damn grim if you ask me, especially when women like Law Fairy serve as perfect illustrations of this.
As for me, I’m a babe! I have no shame in that and it made it possible for be to retire from my career before age 40. Nowadays, if I work, it’s because I want to. Having said that, I also know that there is a time an place to be a babe, and there is a time and where I ask to be treated as a woman. Likewise, there’s a time and place to call someone a dude, and another where it is imperative that the individual be addressed as a man. In the end, that was my point in writing the essay.
Thanks for posting this. The way so many feminists use “dude” sets my teeth on edge like almost nothing else. Frankly, I have a lot more tolerance for someone who just outright insults me.
yer right, Babe!
My pleasure and thank you for your thoughts.
Like John, the “dude” business is extremely annoying and exposes both a maturity problem and general lack of respect for men. When a feminist calls me “dude”, I know right away that they do not see me as an equal, an adult or a human being worthy of respect. They are not interested in talking with me, but rather in talking at me. At that point, I lose all respect for said feminist and I could care less about what she has to say going forward.
I have plenty of respectful, mature and worthwhile feminists in the ranks of my friends. I have no need for the loud, disruptive, bigoted feminists who cannot even muster enough maturity to talk to men like they are human beings.
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women
[Unpaid promotional link deleted by blog editor.]
I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?
American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.
This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!
[Unpaid promotional advertisement for Indian mail order bride site and corresponding link deleted by blog editor.]
Dear John Rambo,
That’s awesome dude! Thank you for informing American women of your intention to boycott them. I am sure it will come as great news to them that the douchebag pool has been reduced.
Love,
Vas
P.S.
This message is brought to you by
Forever Alone
Thank you. I had no idea that ‘dude’ wasn’t kosher. I’ll definitely avoid using it from now on. Question – is the same true for “guys”?
I don’t believe in kosher or non-kosher words. What I believe in is using the correct terms for the appropriate audience.
I use “dude” all the time as a substitute for the f-word. I also use it as a gender neutral greeting, just like the surfers do. However, I would NEVER use that greeting when I am addressing a man in a gender conversation, professional dealings or an educational setting. It’s rude as hell.
As for “guy,” it’s only rude if you have objections to the word “gal.”